Can you level up your Gobblin rogue enough to claim the Apple Pie Tree and defeat the dreaded Ronald?!

Ronald McDonald is a CLOWN. The fact that he is a corporate spokesman should not overshadow his “clownness.” He is all the good things that come to mind when thinking of clowns. He is full of fun and friendship. He is sometimes zany, sometimes daring, always amusing. Ronald resides in McDonaldland but is equally at home anywhere he goes. The other characters in McDonaldland look up to him, respect him, and are fond of him. Ronald is intelligent and sensitive, but always clown-like. He can do nearly anything, even including incredible feats of magic. The antics of the other McDonaldland characters serve to complement Ronald’s humor. Ronald McDonald is the star.

Ominous.

A few of my other favorite details are the explicit corporate comparisons drawn between Officer Big Mac and Keystone Cops, and the fact that every character must apparently be played by an actor between the heights of 5’2″ and 5’9″, with a maximum weight of 175lbs. This is specified in nearly every character entry.

Also, the Grimace cannot sit for more than 35 minutes. This is somehow McDonaldLand canon.

This sort of reminds me of that time I got paid to dress up as Spider-Man and sign autographs at a Walmart in Lynn, Massachusetts — which involved a similarly bizarre corporate training that had some seriously uncomfortable things to say about my future employment prospectives if I showed up at the event with panty-lines showing on my Spidey-suit. But that’s a story for another time.

McDonalds McDonaldland Specification Manual (1975) [McDonald’s Corporation / Archive.org]

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